Red Red Wine: the songs you love to hate

I’m sure there are lots of you out there who have this as a guilty pleasure, but I can’t bloody stand it.

I don’t mind the Tony Tribe version, that’s pretty good.

And did you know the original artist was Neil Diamond? His version is ok too, if a bit drippy.

Listening back, I can’t put my finger on exactly what makes the UB40 version so abominable.

I have no such beef with other over-produced 80s cover versions. Dannii Minogue’s ‘Jump To The Beat’ — now there’s a highly processed version of an excellent original. It’s rare you’ll see anyone holding Dannii’s version up as an example of their muso credentials. But — like pop tarts for breakfast instead of jam on toast — sometimes you just gotta have that sugary feelgood.

‘Red Red Wine’ though. Man. What is it about this song that makes me squirm? Perhaps because it’s so depressingly basic. The toddlers of 2019 could knock up something like this on Garage Band in an afternoon. And its limp relentlessness is torturous. “I wonder what the next chord will be? Ah — of course”. On it goes, round and round and round, like a pub backroom spinning around a drunk.

Maybe that’s it — RRW is the oppressive sound of one drink too many. Perhaps the execution is actually an artistic statement reflecting its booze-related content.

Nope, it’s just shit. Have the Tony Tribe version instead.

Anyway, the point of this post was to explain that I have a sort of mental file for songs like RRW that make me feel physically ill, in a manner that means I must contort my body into a strange shape and go “eyuurrrwweuch” whenever it comes on. And there are others, innocuous songs that also push some weird buttons deep in my psyche and make me want to retch.

Also on the list are: ‘Matchstick Men and Matchstalk Cats and Dogs’ by Brian and Michael, ‘Grandma’ by the St Winifred’s School Choir, ‘Young Girl’ by Gary Puckett and Union Gap and the complete works of Dr Hook.

Now I’ve revealed my musical Achilles heels, I feel naked and exposed. If my arch enemy ever manages to catch me, they’ll know what to play on a loop til I crack.

To offset this, please tell me what songs make you want to barf?

Just so we’re quits, that’s all.

UB40’s version of ‘Red Red Wine’ was number one for three weeks in September 1983. Neil Diamond claims it’s one of the best cover versions of his songs ever recorded, often performing this version live instead of his own.

I wrote this post as part of the #write52 project. Pressed for time, full of cold and wrestling with the fact that the selection of number one singles for this week is pretty dire. Sorry. But look! Write52 now has its own twitter account, run by the esteemed Ed Callow. Get following!

I’m Penny Brazier, a freelance writer and content strategist. Don’t bother following me on Twitter or Instagram, I’m full of bile and misery.